My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
