I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
