3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
