HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
