so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
