so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
