i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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