Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize