Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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