please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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