so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
