Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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