i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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