You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
