he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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