Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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