I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
