Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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