We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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