dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize