I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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