I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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