Who did Billy Mays play for?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize