Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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