After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
