I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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