Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
