for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
