I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
