I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
