please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
His nipple licking is glorious
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