I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was born a porn star she said
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
