Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize