my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
