what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
