I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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