She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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