Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
