i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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