is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize