Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
