So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
