I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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