Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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