Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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