I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
