I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
