I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
