she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
