how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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