you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My pussy is not your playground.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
