Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize