Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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