Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
