so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize