At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
