Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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