i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
