Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
