Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
