I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
