I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
