shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
