i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize