I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize