I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize