Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
