I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
