literally had 100 drinks last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
