Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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