I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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